


Meet the Replacements

by UnknownUnseenUnheard



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Disney, Counterparts - Freeform, Disney Parody, Expanded Universe, F/M, Fanboys - Freeform, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Gender Fluid Jedi Exile, Gossiping Mothers, Humor, M/M, Parody, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2018-08-08 10:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7754944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownUnseenUnheard/pseuds/UnknownUnseenUnheard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Star Wars EU Characters meet their episode VII counterparts. Jacen Solo and Ben Skywalker are not amused. Nope, not at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: So, I'm surprised this hadn't been done yet. As such, I decided I'd make one myself. Enjoy!

Warnings: **SPOILERS!** And minor Ren bashing by pointing out facts.

* * *

**Meet the Replaements**

Jacen Solo glowered.

Kylo Ren, also known as Ben Solo, smirked.

Ben Skywalker was pissed the kriff off.

"You mean I've been replaced by… By you?" Jacen was downright offended. Even in his darkest, he would never stoop to killing a family member(elsewhere, Mara Jade sneezed),he would have never helped in the construction of an abomination worse than the Death Star, and, most importantly…

He was no ones bitch and he sure as hell wouldn't lose to someone who'd never even heard of a damn lightsaber, never mind wielded one!

"Why are you even offended? He's evil, like you! He's basically you with a different name! I should be the offended one! Not only am I gone, this son of Huttspawn took my name!" Ben snapped.

Jacen glared. Kylo ignored the statement.

"That's my mother, brat. How'd you like it if I said the same about your mother?" Jacen demanded.

Ben bristled at the accusation.

"You killed my mom, tortured me, and became the worse Sith Lord since Vader!"

.

.

.

"Oh yeah, huh." Jacen acknowledged sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "Eh. Sorry about that. The Force told me I needed to go Sith or the Galaxy would be purged into darkness." Jacen explained patiently.

"... You drove the Galaxy into darkness!"

Kylo Ren just kept smirking.

"I replaced both of you bitches." He commented casually. "And stared in my own movie. And they next two that are coming up." Kylo smiled victoriously.

The cousins, who had currently grabbed each other's collars and were on the verge of a lightsaber duel, froze.

As one, they turned on the smirking villain that had basically replaced them both, stolen their spotlight, and appeared in the new Star Wars film.

Locking eyes the cousins nodded. For the first time since Jacen had gone batshit, both could agree on one single fact.

They hated one another.

They hated Kylo Ren more.

Screams could be heard from the room as they turned on poor Kylo who wasn't nearly skilled enough to fend either one of the two of.

* * *

Jaina Solo and Rey both comfortably sipped tea.

"So, would that make Kylo your brother?" Rey asked, shuddering at the very thought.

Jaina shrugged.

"Maybe, maybe not. Not my problem. If he was… I'd try to save him. If he's yours, save him." Jaina told the other girl.

Rey flinched back.

"Mine? Why the hell would he be my brother?"

"Face it, Rey. You're either Ren's cousin or his sister. No ifs, ands, or buts." Jaina causally pointed out.

"No, no, no." Rey shook her head frantically. "That monster murdered his father in cold blood while smiling! No!"

Memories can be fickle things. As such, whether Kylo smiled or not was irrelevant. Rey believed him to be twisted enough, so that was what her memory showed her.

Jaina sighed.

"I… I didn't try to save my own twin, in the end. A part of me died with him. Don't make my mistakes, Rey. If you can… Save him."

Jaina was a little ticked she'd been replaced. Rey was likeable however, so she shrugged it off. At least her counterpart managed to kick Sith ass.

Jacen would never live Kylo's loss to an untrained new to the Force user in a lightsaber duel. Ever.

* * *

The two Han's gazed at one another. The Chewbaccas shook hands and greeted each other in Wookie language whose name the author forgot.

"So," Han!Legend began, "You ditched my wife and ran off with Chewie."

Han!Disney shrugged.

"That hasn't been explained, so don't go blaming me yet."

Han!Legend still punched him in the face for it.

* * *

Luke!Legend was astonished.

"Wow! I really let myself go! So, is Mara your wife too? Is Rey a gender bent form of Ben?"

Luke!Disney glared.

"A minute. A minute of screen time! And I didn't even say anything! And, I don't know! Disney knows, but they aren't saying yet!"

Luke!Legend frowned.

"You okay?"

But Luke!Disney wasn't listening. He kept grumbling about his one minute over and over again.

Luke!Legend never did find out if Mara existed in the Disney!Verse. We won't either until the next film.

* * *

Leia!Legend and Leia!Disney got along just fine.

Telling stories of their boys before they snapped was fun.

"And then- and then- Jacen comes up to me and says, 'Mommy, I tried to get the cookie jar but it was too high!'" Leia!Legend explained.

"And then what happened?" Leia!Disney demanded.

"Well, as it turns out, he'd tried to use the force to get the jar down. Instead, he accidentally knocked over the flour and was covered in it!" Leia!Legend concluded.

The two old woman chortled as only old woman can.

* * *

Palpatine and Snope glared at one another.

Then, as one, they shook hands.

Hey, lets face it.

Almost everyone thinks they're the exact same person.

* * *

Anakin Solo was flummoxed.

Poe and Finn were likewise confused.

"Hey, wait a second…" Poe said slowly, the other two turning to him.

"Yes?" Finn asked, desperate for an end to the silence.

"You died." Poe motioned to Anakin. Anakin nodded, annoyed. Yes, he'd died. Way to rub it in.

"And we're your counterparts." Poe said slowly.

It took a moment to sink in.

Finn groaned and glared at Poe, now certain one or both would die while Anakin laughed at the irony.

Sweet victory!

* * *

Kyle Katarn narrowed his eyes.

Former Storm Trooper…

Defected…

Lightsaber duel…

Shit, he had a counterpart. On the bright side, Finn was bad ass.

Wait a second.

If he was Finn… Then Anakin was Poe.

Huh.

Well.

 _Nice knowing you_ , Kyle thought as he departed without a word.


	2. Role Counterparts

A/N: I wasn't planning on a second chapter but here it is. Enjoy!

Published: 03/17/2016

Warnings: I'm not trying to bash Kylo. Or the Episode VIII. Truly. However, as long as there is only one movie, there are a shit load of unanswered questions, so…

* * *

**Chapter 2**

** Role Counterparts **

Darth Vader didn't know what to think. That was okay. His helmet had many benefits.

For one, it terrified the shot out of people. Very important for a terrifying Sith Lord.

For another, it had all these useful sensors installed. True, the Force was more effective but continual use would exhaust even someone of Vader's caliber.

The most useful aspect of the helmet, however, was that it always masked his expression. He'd literally spent years childishly sticking his tongue out at Palpatine every time the elder annoyed him. Small vengeance, really, but the amount of times it had caused Sidious' eye to twitch at some unknown disturbance in the Force was totally worth it.

The third aspect was particularly effective now. And why was it effective? Well…

"Oh my God, by the Lucas and the Great Mouse, oh God! You're him! I am, like, your biggest fan!"

Vader resisted the urge to strangle.

Leia would never forgive him if he hurt her deranged fanboying child.

Now, normally, Kylo Ren would never fanboy. However, before Vader himself?

Please.

Be honest.

How many of you would be just the same, hm?

Revan, standing on the other side of the room, said nothing. Instead, he and Starkiller stared vehemently at the rip off of their respective helmets which Kylo kept at his side with a religious vigorously as if he held the Arc of the Covenant itself.

"And I have your helmet, and you are my inspiration for everything I do, and I promise to honor the memory of your legacy, grandfather!"

Kylo went on and on.

Vader twitched.

Two insane grandchildren who followed in his mistakes. Why Kylo broke was unknown to him. Why Jacen broke, well… That boy was so much like him that it frightened Vader.

Idly, he wondered if Kylo Ren broke for the same reason.

For love of one's family, only to drown in darkness and ultimately destroying said family.

Vader truly hated the darkside, which was an ironic hate in and of itself as the darkside was basically hatred itself.

* * *

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Han Solo blinked at one another.

Then, Kenobi smirked.

"So," he began smugly, "I see the shoe is now on the other foot, young man!"

"Shuddap, dammit!"

* * *

Luke Skywalker, from Episode VI tilted his head at Rey.

"Wait, you mean you bat him with literally no training at all?"

"Yes." Rey grinned. "Kicked his ass."

Luke silently grumbled. The next generation always had it easier. Either that, or standards were dropping.

Millennia before, the Jedi Exile vaguely recalled how Kreia had once told her that the lightsaber masters of old would make her generation look like children. Idly, she wondered how duels would be fought thousands of years from now.

However, Luke was not a sore sport at all. In fact, he just grinned right back.

"And where was I?" He wondered out loud, internally pleased the future had such promising potentials for the New Jedi Order.

Rey froze.

How exactly do you tell a man that he abandoned everything he cherished, let the Empire rise again, and willingly walked into exile while the Galaxy burned?

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda sneezed. Loudly.

* * *

Poe and Wedge stared at one another.

"So, I'm not in the movie… At all?"

"Nope." Poe confessed, not seeing a problem.

Wedge practically exploded.

"What the hell! I'm the only character _without_ the power of plot armor to survive the series! Hell, scratch that, I'm the only one who survived _both_ runs on the Death Star! Why am I not in the fucking sequel! I demand-"

Wedge didn't get to complain another word because, at that moment, the Wedge!Eu came in and grinned.

"I outlived Chewbacca and Luke's wife. Ha!"

Wedge!Disney groaned and let himself fall backing, cursing automorphic mice.

* * *

Finn glanced wide eyed at Chewbacca. This… He was expecting one of the only two black men in the Star Wars movies, Lando or Mace Windu who technically wasn't a human or he was or he wasn't or he was some weird one species or whatever to be his role counterpart.

Chewbacca, though?

.

.

.

How the fuck was he ever suppose to match this legendary Wookie's legacy? To this noble beings loyalty and pure awesomeness?

Wait…

He was Anakin Solo's counterpart… And Chewbacca's… And both died in the EU…

Kriffing hell.

He was so dead.

* * *

"So, thirty years later, the rebellion still technically hasn't won?"

Mon Montha was outright offended.

"Well…" Leia!Disney began.

"We kicked ass." Leia!Eu stated smugly receiving a glare for her troubles from her Disney alternate.

Leia!Disney was annoyed. The Disney verse totally needed more background. That's what you get when you have times skips that transverse decades, though. She was sure it would get explained eventually.

* * *

Hux and Tarkin merely glowered at one another.

"You lost the Starkiller Base!"

"You're one to talk! An _X-Wing_ took out you're Deathstar!"

Tarkin, however, was having none of that.

"A self destruct sequence! Why in the name of the Emperor would you add a self destruct sequence?"

"Why would you leave such a vital weakness in your Death Star _not_ shielded?" Hux countered.

Tarkin blinked.

"Touché."

* * *

Yoda glared up at Luke!Disney.

"Abandoned the Jedi to destruction, you have! Betrayed us all, you did!"

Luke!Disney was not about to take that lying down.

"I saw Revenge of the Sith, you little green hypocrite!" He snapped. Yoda reeled back. "You were kicking the Emperor's ass and you ran off for no reason!"

"Defeated, I was!" Yoda defended.

"Do or do not, there is no try! You didn't even bother trying! He blasted you with a little bit of lightning and you ran!"

Yoda rolled his eyes.

"Innacurate, that is. Old I am. Exhausted I was." Yoda waved off his lose. "Went into exile you did when reform the Jedi you should have!" Yoda scolded.

Luke glowered.

"Many Jedi survived the purge. You could have gathered them."

"Massacre at Katarr, heard of it you have not?" Yoda argued, referring to the the event during the first Jedi purge where an entire planet was decimated because of a Jedi gathering.

Luke scoffed.

"That's no longer canon so your argument is irrelevant."

Yoda faltered.

"Well… Fucked up, we have." Yoda confessed.

Luke blinked.

"Yeah, no kidding." He conceded.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is tunrning into a series. Hm. Any future suggestions?

Published: 3/24/2016

Warnings: **SPOILERS!** as always.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Mace Windu, Jolee Bindo, Lando Calrissian, and Finn all sat around a table.

Jolee raised a cup.

"To being the only black men in the Galaxy!"

The other three gave out cheers and drank from their cups.

Finn blinked.

"Wait… We can't be the only black people in the entire Galaxy, right?"

"The only ones of any important. I mean, there's that one black guy in the Shadows of Mindor, but he hardly counts." Lando replied.

Finn was bewildered.

"... Why doesn't he count?"

It was Mace who answered.

"He could only speak in growls." Finn's head snapped up in shock. Mace shrugged. "It was a Force thing. Damaged his throat or something. Either way, he only showed up, like, twice."

"And we're the only significant black people!" Jolee seemed pleased. "Why, in the days of the Old Republic, a Jedi running off and getting married was called 'pulling a Bindo'! Named after yours truly!"

"Right." Finn replied.

"Besides, Star Wars has plenty of diversity with aliens." Mace pointed out. "Even I don't technically qualify as fully human. I'm Korrun."

Finn twitched.

"So the one black guy from the prequels doesn't entirely count as human even though he blatantly is,in fact, a human."

Silence.

Well.

No comment.

* * *

Poe twitched.

"Why am I here again?"

"Because, we're the LGBT face of Star Wars." Ferus Olin explained for what felt like the hundredth time.

Besides him, Juhani nodded.

"This is vtrue." She said with a rather bad Russian accent that has never really been explained. "The three of us are the implied homosexuals of Star Wars."

"... What about that Imperial in the Aftermath Novel that really is confirmed gay. Why isn't he here?"

"The author of this story is boycotting new Star Wars novels that don't include EU material." Ferus was getting annoyed. Dear Sith, this was like dealing with Anakin when the two of them had been teenangers.

"Huh." Poe scrunched his eyes in confusion. "That still doesn't explain why I'm here!" he exclaimed.

Juhani responded by playing the clip of Poe giving Finn his jacket, telling him to keep it, and biting his lip while blatantly checking out the former Stormtrooper.

.

.

"Screw it. Why are you two here then?"

"The author of my series, Jude Watson, confirmed I was gay. And married. Gay pride!" Ferus declared with a fist pump.

"There vwas a cut romance between me and a female Revan in KOTOR." Juhani shrugged.

"So, let me get this straight," Poe began. He rounded on Ferus first. "We only know your gay cause the author said so," now he turned to Juhani, "and your lesbian scenes got cut out."

Silence.

"Censorship?" Ferus suggested.

Poe slammed his head into the table.

* * *

"Who are we?"

"G.A.R.B.W.!"

"What does it stand for!"

"Galactic Alliance for the Restoration of Badass Woman!"

"This meeting of the G.A.R.B.W. is officially called to order, Matriarch Leia Organa Solo presiding." With that, Leia!EU sat down, the others following after her.

"Orders of business?" Leia!EU asked.

"New name." Jaina spoke.

Leia!EU blinked.

"Why would we ever need a new name?"

Jaina and Leia!Disney exchanged looks.

"Garb W?" Leia!Disney repeated.

Leia!EU glared.

"We are named after the Alliance to Restore the Republic. No complaints! Next issue!"

"Yes," Rey began. Eyes turned to her. "Why am I the only one here who is the main Protagonist and not a side Protagonist. And Exile, you can change genders at will, and never mind that while you're suppose to be female, you still get outshone by Revan!" Rey snapped at the Jedi Exile, who'd looked downright offended. At the words the Exile backed down.

The Leias shrugged.

"The only other woman in the Galaxy was Mon Mothma. We didn't like her." They said in choreographed unison.

Padme coughed.

Jaina rolled her eyes at her grandmother.

"You married granddad right after he told you be massacred a village full of women and children. You don't count."

Padme reeled back.

"The Lucas made me do it! I had no choice!"

"Excuses." Jaina waved her off. "I, on the other hand, got my own trilogy dedicated to me." She said smugly.

Rey smiled.

Finally! Another like her.

"So, what happened in your trilogy?"

.

.

"Jaina?"

"Disney took over and canceled it!" Jaina cried.

.

It looked like Rey was truly alone. Especially since the Exile randomly chose that moment to shift into a male.

* * *

"This meeting of the dead major Star Wars love interests is called to order." Mara Jade declared, still slightly miffed.

They'd been forced to change the name when Luke's army of exes had shown up. It still made her eye twitch. Luckily, Luke!Disney seemed to asexual, so no problem there.

…

Until Jacen had pointed out that Rey couldn't have just magically popped into existence.

Mara was pleased to note that the bruise on his jaw was not yet entirely healed.

Around the table sat Mara herself, Jacen Solo, Anakin Solo, Padme, Han!Disney, and Siri Tachi.

"So… Anything you all want to talk about?" She asked.

"I've been replaced by a Mandalorian." Siri was annoyed.

Mara nodded. Nothing against Satine, but Disney seemed determined to pretend Siri had never existed and conjured a new love interest for Obi-Wan.

"My romance shouldn't even count as one." Padme shrugged.

No one bothered to refute it.

It should be noted that her romance with Anakin was better explored in EU material… Which is no longer canon. Then again, Clone Wars apparently is canon, so...

"I ditched my wife and kid."

Han!Disney got glared at for that.

"Anything else?" Mara asked.

"Me!" Anakin shot up, glaring at Jacen. "Did you or did you not have sex with Tahiri?" Anakin demanded rather hotly.

His brother turning he could handle.

Aunt Mara's death he could handle.

Ben's torture he could handle.

Starting a second Galactic Civil War, he could handle.

Jacen had reasons for all of them. Messed up reasons, but reasons nonetheless. In fact, all those things just made him sad rather than angry. Where had everything gone wrong?

Stealing his girl, however? Unacceptable!

Jacen twitched.

"For the last time, Anakin, I never slept with your ex!"

They'd had the argument so many times it was seriously getting old.

Anakin pointed dramatically.

"You lied to Jaina of all people. You two never lied to each other. You literally shared throughs as kids! How do I know you aren't lying now?" Anakin demanded hotly.

"Because," Jacen began slowly, his temper barely restrained, "I love Tenel Ka, and only Tenel Ka. I'm not interested in any other woman!" Jacen snapped. Okay, so his marriage had gone to hell, but hey, they could make up eventually, right?

"You also said you'd never turn, and look how that turned out!" Anakin retaliated.

That was it!

Caedus roared and Mara scrambled to try and contain the damage.

Not again.


	4. Empire vs The First Order

A/N: So, I had a request for Admiral Thrawn to show up. As such, I've made a chapter dedicated to the Imperials. Well, the non-Sith among them, anyways. Enjoy!

Warnings: None really. There are EU references some of you might not get, though.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Empire vs the First Order**

Grand Admiral Thrawn was not pleased. In fact, he was downright furious.

This…

What the hell…

What even was this?

Beside him, Ysanne Isard was equally furious.

Thrawn had walked in expecting to find his counterpart. He and Ysanne had wondered who had kept the Empire intact in the alternate reality.

Instead…

"Are you telling me," Thrawn's red eyes flashed as he glared at General Hux and Captain Phasma, both of whom were visibly disturbed to be under his gaze, "that you blithering idiots somehow managed to lose the war only a single year after Endor?"

This was just…

The Galactic Civil War, the true Galactic Civil War, in Thrawn's opinion, had spanned decades. And, it had ended more or less with a stalemate since the Imperials still held a section of the Galaxy that the Rebels never managed to conquer.

A mysterious figure suddenly appeared.

"Who are you?" Ysanne snapped out. Phasma and Hux, it seemed, were too paralyzed in fear to counter anything.

"I am Thrawn's true counterpart." The figure revealed. "It was I that ordered the Imperial retreat into the Unknown regions, were we coalesced our power-"

"I didn't ask for a biography. I asked for a name." Ysanne snapped. She had Rogue Squadron members to kill. This was, quite frankly, a waste of her time.

Silence.

"Well?" Thrawn demanded.

"They never gave me one! I'm just offhandedly mentioned in the Aftermath novel as a rouge Grand Admiral that fake his death."

Thrawn's glare, at the moment, could have matched the Death Star's.

* * *

Ysanne and Mas Amedda stared at one another.

"You tried to keep the Empire together after his majesties' demise."

Amedda nodded, pleased.

"... And you failed utterly as the Empire collapsed less than a year later on a Tatooine rip off inside the Core Worlds."

Amedda truly had no counter for that.

Internally, Ysanne screamed. All that work, all that effort, for this?

* * *

Daala and Phasma faced off.

"First female admiral?"

Daala grinned.

"Of course. I think they invented a few after me that brings that into question, but whatever."

Phasma blinked.

Silence.

"You aren't going to yell at me?"

Daala blinked.

"What for? It took me over 40 years to actually do anything significant. I have patience that you'll return, try again, and fail epically, as I did before you."

Phasma could only twitch.

* * *

TR-8R, who shall be further known as Nines, glared.

Boba Fett, still annoyed at how own refilling, could only brood.

"Filthy bounty hunting scum."

"I was Mandalore. The Mandalore! I was one of the greatest of my kind alive! I survived until the very end! I fueled with Sith Lords and the children of Yun-Yuuzhan and lived! But now-"

With that, Fett pulled an assault rifle out of nowhere and began to blast a wall to pieces.

Nines could only continue to glare while contemplating Finn's assassination. His brother had betrayed them all. Nines would make sure Finn paid for it with his very existence.

* * *

Jagged Fel could not help but glare.

"What, exactly, did the Empire do in the Unknown Regions?"

Hux could not answer.

"I have no idea actually. Disney has yet to say and the Great Mouse has made most of the Unknown Region threats non canon."

Jag raised a single eyebrow.

"Most?"

"Rakata Prime is canon."

Jag was surprised to hear the news. "So, instead of fighting Vong and Killicks, you fought Rakata?"

The idea sounded insane. Then again, the Rakata predate the Sith in use of the Dark side, so maybe-

"The planet is canon. We don't know about the species."

Jag nearly fell over twitching.

"Besides," Hux continued, "how in the nine Corellian hells did you miss the lost tribe of the Sith? No, seriously, how? And the Vong, who you barely helped in fighting against?"

Jag brittles at the accusation.

"We helped!"

"Right," Hux replied sarcastically, "'Helped'."

The two Imperials could only glare at one another.

* * *

"Shut up!"

Jacen and Anakin, however, would not be deterred in their snickering.

"Jaina and Hux," Jacen sang.

"Sitting in a Tree," Anakin continued.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" They both chanted.

Jaina roared, spun, and blasted them both back, storming out of the room. Hux? Seriously, Hux was her husband's counterpart? She just hopped Rey never learned this shocking revelation.

Unknown to Jaina, Rey could only state in horror.

Hours later, Finn and Poe found their wayward Resistance member crouched down, shaking and muttering about how she would never fall in love with an animal like Hux.


	5. The Last Jedi

A/N: So, I recently watched this movie. I… Had a few mixed responses to it. I gotta say, though, I did enjoy it more than I did The Force Awakens. The only part I really disliked was how the story with Luke ended, but that's just me

Published: 1/31/2018

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THE LAST JEDI! You've been warned

* * *

** Chapter 5 **

**The Last Jedi**

Darth Sidious blasted yet another barrage of lightning at his victim. Again and again, Snoke screamed, his body beginning to smoke. The former Supreme Leader of the First Order had, of course, attempted to fight Sidious, but it had been no use.

There was a reason Sidious had been known as one of the most powerful Sith Lords ever born. True, true, he was taken out by his apprentice rather randomly turning on him at the last second, but still.

"How could you be so foolish! How could you have been cut down so easily! Bisected, by a Lightsaber! Not even in the middle of a duel! There you stood, reveling in your conquest, blind to the world around you!"

Sidious let loose another blast.

He was beyond pissed.

How dare Snoke? How dare the inheritor of his will be so utterly stupid?

"You did the same thing! Vader didn't even have to fight you! He just lifted you and tossed you!" Snoke bit out between blasts.

Sidious paused. True, true. What Snoke said was true. Had Vader not surprised him, Sidious would have no doubt emerged victorious over his wayward apprentice. He had, after all, cut down three Jedi Masters with ease while twisting around like an out of control spinning top.

Vader had been weakened by his duel with his son. There was no doubt as to who the victor would have been, no doubt at all.

Sidious didn't like to think about that, and he sure as hell didn't like to be reminded of it.

Snoke's screams made Vader's interrogations look like paradise.

* * *

Kyp Durron eyed Kylo Ren up and down.

Kylo grew annoyed with the stare. Snarling, Kylo glared.

"What?"

Kyp stayed silent for several moments, titling his head in thought. Then, at last, the Legacy Jedi Master spoke.

"You defeated Luke. You honest to god defeated him. I mean, so did I, but I was like, being fueled by a crazy Four Thousand Year old Force Ghost, and you kinda just went Force smash on him and brought down the smallest bloody shack I've ever seen down on his head."

Kylo growled. He did not like to be reminded of the time his uncle had betrayed him. Luke Skywalker could go die for all Kylo cared. Luke had brought this, brought everything, upon himself.

Luke knew it, too. Why else would that sorry excuse for a Jedi run off into exile? Too ashamed, no doubt, to show his face after the sins he had committed.

Wait a second…

"Crazy Force Ghost?" Kylo echoed.

Kyp nodded.

"Yeah. Exar Kun, to be exact. Then, good old Exar helped me extract a super weapon more destructive than the Starkiller Base, which I proceeded to use to blow a couple of stars supernova to kill some Imperials I didn't like!" Kyp smiled dreamily at the words, looking off into the distance.

Kylo twitched.

"Your Luke… Your Luke let you live, forgave you, after you pulled that shit, but mine tried to kill me because he realized some wanna be Sith was trying to mess with my head?"

Kyp blinked.

"Huh… I don't like your Luke."

Kylo beamed, please that someone else agreed with him

* * *

"I don't care if we aren't officially sisters. We can be unofficial sisters! Or, sisters in law!" Jaina suggested with a suggestive wink, nudging her elbow towards Rey.

"What? NO! Just because I sympathize with him a bit more does not mean I want him in that way!"

Jaina had, as many, been a bit shocked at the reveal that Rey's parents were apparently nobodies from Jakku that had traded their daughter away from scraps. Shocked, and furious. If she ever got her hands on those so called parents, they'd pay the price.

However, there was another part of this that made Jaina lament. While there was still room for them to reveal more on Rey's parentage with the final movie coming up, for now, Rey officially had no Skywalker blood. Which meant Jaina could no longer pretend they were sisters.

Which, of course, Jaina had to… Correct.

"Oh come now. Fans want it. Have you seen the stories? The author really hasn't, but he hasn't ready any good Star Wars stories in a while other than a few Obi-Wan centric ones on Ao3." Jaina blabbered. "Anyways, fans want it. Annnnnd, I can tell you want it!" Jaina declared, pointing a victorious finger at Rey.

Rey blushed scarlet, hitting said hand away with a glare.

"I do not!"

"You do to! Holding his hand, asking him to put on a towel so you wouldn't get all hot and bothered, sharing a Force Link!"

"YOU SHARE A FORCE LINK WITH YOUR BROTHER!" Rey shouted out.

Jaina blinked.

"So… You see Ben as more of a brother than as a lover? Hm."

"What? No! I- I don't know, alright! Stop it! Besides, that bond… It changes nothing! He's a monster!" Rey shouted.

Jaina's expression fell at that.

"You can't mean that."

"Can't I? The Resistance is down to so few survivors that I could literally fit them all within the Millenium Falcon! There… There is light in him. I've seen it. But, it's drowned. It's drowned out in his darkness, and the dark is his alone. There is no Snoke to whisper into his ears. Not anymore. Ben Solo is dead, and I'm going to finish off his corpse if it's the last thing I do."

* * *

Snoke eyed Lumiya wearily.

"You aren't going to blast me with lightning too, are you?"

The Dark Lady of the Sith eyed him oddly.

"Why would I do that? You have done your task well. Even with your passing, your apprentice follows the Dark. That, at the very least, is more than even Sidious can state. Good work. I approve."

* * *

Younger Leia stood across from Rose.

"Hm. So, your the new side heroine. Rey is obviously Luke, so you have to be me, technically."

Rose didn't answer.

Instead, she was resisting the urge to fangirl like she had with Finn before Finn had, you know, revealed he was a filthy little traitor that was going to desert in the middle of a firefight.

Leia eyed Rose up and down several times before nodding to herself.

"I approve."

Rose squealed, and Leia suddenly found herself with an arm full of Rose.

Several feet away, Poe twitching, shooting a glare at Rose. Beside him, Han frowned even as he took another swig from his bottle.

"What's wrong?

"That bitch kissed my man."

Han spluttered on his drink, alcohol falling down his front.

* * *

Legends!Luke didn't know what to think. He stared at his counterpart for what felt like hours, not saying a single word. Disney!Luke, at the very least, had the decency to not even try and defend himself, and Legends!Luke would beat him if he tried.

"You… I can't even…" Legends!Luke trailed off.

Disney!Luke just nodded.

"We Jedi… We and our ways, our arrogance. I believed I could right the whole bloody galaxy, but I couldn't even do right by my own flesh and blood. I was a failure as a teacher, a failure as a master."

"You didn't even try to correct it!"

Disney!Luke glared.

"How could I! How could I, considering the sins I had done? But… Perhaps, Rey will succeed were I could not. I have hopes. Hopes, and dreams, for the future."

* * *

Boba Fett nodded in approval.

Phasma looked uncomfortable.

"What?"

"You survived a literal impossible situation on Starkiller Base, just like my magical escape from the Sarlacc. I have no doubt you'll return in the next movie, despite falling into a literal inferno while wearing heavy metal armor."

Phasma groaned. Not another movie.

* * *

Legends!Yoda and Disney!Yoda were enjoying themselves.

"Know, I did not, that control the weather as a ghost we could!"

"Oh hoh! Underestimate our power, you do! Just like Luke, overestimate those old dusty books, did he!"

* * *

The Leia's embraced. They didn't say a word. They didn't swap stories this time. They rant about their children, didn't tell funny stories about them as children before their fall.

No.

Instead, they embraced, and lamented.

Lamented for Han, lamented for Luke, and lamented for Carrie Fisher, may she rest in peace.


End file.
